Do I deserve to be loved again amidst my mistakes?

Why do we always hurt the one that we love...the one who loved us so much...amidst everything?

"Because we though they would understand."

This was the answer I got from a bestfriend...It hit me real hard.

I never thought at one point in my life, I would do such thing as hurting the one I loved the most..the one..

who stood up for me...
who accepted me for who I am...
who helped me become a better person...
who said sorry even though I'm the one who made a mistake...
who visits me even though we're miles away from each other...
who proposed and gave me a diamond ring because he wants to marry me...
who helped me with my paper works even if it's not his job...
who gave me tulipz for every special occasion, or just an ordinary day...
who became my movie marathon partner...
who made me love letters during class hours...
who waited for me when It took me years long to arrive...
who laughed at my silly jokes...
who made me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world even though I'm feelin' ugly...
who cooked all kinds of dishes for me...
who kissed my underarms when he felt silly...
who brought me to different places I've never been before...

All I did was hurt him...and all he did was to forgive every sin that I made...

I never asked him back in my life...because I don't want him to get hurt again, I don't want him to find out that I'm not the girl he used to love before...that I completely changed...I don't want him to stay with me anymore...I want him to love someone else...

So maybe what's happening to me now is karma...right? I've been single for almost 8 months now, my ex-boyfriends after him...all fooled me...used me...made me a rebound...died in a car accident...

I can't find a man close to his personality...why? because I can never find someone as perfect as him...nobody's perfect but for me, he's close to perfection...

Do I deserve to be loved again by someone like him? All I want is a second chance, even though it's not from him...but from someone new...who's willing to take a risk...a challenge...

``i`D RATHER``

I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone(alone)
and I tried to find
out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah And then I met someone
and thought he could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because he was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection they were all lies, all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine, I'd rather have bad times with(please be mine) you,
than good times with someone else(I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm(anytime),
than safe and warm by myself(so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times to gether,
than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart(my heart) I'd rather have bad times with you(surely),
than good times with someone else(surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm(oh yeah),
than safe and warm by myself(all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart(you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoooo.....who holds my heart

MORNiNG GOD

THiS iSN`T GOODBYE